The song “I’m Gonna Show You Crazy” by Bebe Rexha is a song that I’ve been able to immediately connect with at any age or phase in my life. It feels like this song has a way of telling me that it is truly okay to be different. As I have stated multiple times in my past posts, I have ADHD and that impacts how I view the world around me.
When I was in middle school and high school, I always tried to make it seem like I was as normal as possible and tried really hard to suppress my inner problems. This is best depicted in these lyrics: “I'm tired of trying to be normal. I'm always over-thinking. I'm driving myself crazy. So what if I'm fucking crazy?” Along with the fact that sometimes, my ADHD felt like I was truly going crazy with all the emotions and racing thoughts. Sometimes the racing thoughts turned into obsessive and intrusive thoughts that I would have daily. These thoughts would try to make me do something reckless and impulsive or it would be to self-harm myself because the emotional pain became too strong for me to deal with. Then the next batch of lyrics that really touched my heart is “And I don't need your quick fix. I don't want your prescriptions.” When I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 10, it was almost like there was a race to put me on medication. While the medication can be helpful especially during school, I have come to realize that I need to be able to also function without it. I need to be able to find my own motivation rather than fully relying on other things to help me deal with my issues and problems. During the summer, I have stopped taking my ADHD medication because I need to learn the life lesson of self-control, both mentally and physically. The third set of lyrics that impacted my life is: “I've been searching city streets. Trying to find the missing piece like you said. And I say child don't need to find. There's not a single thing that's wrong with my mind.” I always felt like there was a missing part of myself that I always needed to find, whether in healthy things such as music or in unhealthy things such as drugs or even unhealthy relationships. So to hear someone say that “there’s nothing wrong with my mind,” made it feel very personal to me because it helped me deal with constantly trying to find validation from others, and trying to understand myself and my own actions or thought processes. “Loco, maniac, sick bitch, psychopath, Yeah, I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna show you, Yeah, I'm gonna show you Mental out my brain, bad shit goes insane.” The more I pretended to be normal, the tougher and harder it became to not be “crazy”. Accept yourself for all your faults and problems. It’s extremely important because you need to do so in order to heal, move on, and grow.
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